[ P ] light the fuse

With every truth that crossed out one of his lies he could see that Rayne's disbelief was growing. The problem with being a liar was that when the truth was revealed it was hard to know if it was another falsehood. As much as he regretted his actions and his deceit he knew that Rayne was suffering far more than he was. It hurt more to be betrayed than to be the betrayer. “I killed an Imperial soldier during the war,” he gave her a little more information, although he was doubtful that it would make her believe him. But maybe it didn't matter if she did. It didn't change what he had done. “What?” Reuben blurted out when she asked if he was trying to push her away. Maybe that was easier for her to believe. “No, I’m not lying,” he tried to convince her, but even he wouldn't trust such flimsy words.

“I didn't laugh at you. I never thought that what you went through was a joke,” he argued and looked away from her. It wasn't like he didn't deserve her to think the worst of him because he had betrayed her. “I fell for you too… I didn't want to go further because I have no future, Rayne,” Reuben cried, wishing that it wasn't the truth, but he fully intended to take Sulliven's place in the dungeon. “I’m going to save Sully and then I’m turning myself in,” he told her, admitting the finality of his plans out loud for the first time. It was likely that he would be executed, but that was the price that he was willing to pay for all the suffering he had caused.

”I hate you!” Her voice cracked like the lightning that thrashed in the sky around then and he released a shuddering breath. “I know… I do too,” he admitted, tears glittering in his deep green eyes. “All I know how to do is destroy things. My brother, you, that Imperial. It's all I’m good for,” he let out a pained laugh and let his head hang miserably. “I’m sorry… for everything,” he apologised again because it was all he had to offer her.

code: elyon | art: ashon

Rayne could not find it in herself to rip away from his gaze, each beat of her heart hurt more in her chest and the longer she looked at him she just wished to melt away into nothing. He warned her, she knew it and she was too blind. She was just as wrong as he was for being so stubborn and persistent, but how could she help herself. When she knew him for who he was she could not find a bad bone in his body. The way he comforted and cared for her, the way he treated her like an item that was irreplaceable if he mistakenly dropped her. He was tender with the potential of love, but behind such a dark background it was impossible to find the light to shed. He admitted that the killing of the solider was due to war, and Rayne was not a fool. Death happened in wars, she too had been a part of that fight though she did not choose a side, she sought blood. Did that make her any better? What if she killed a soldier, would she also have created a fake persona to hide from her demons? I fell for you too… I didn't want to go further because I have no future, Rayne. I’m going to save Sully and then I’m turning myself in. She could hear the cracking of his voice, his eyes a little wetter than normal. He felt the remorse, but why? Was it only because he got caught? How long would this lie have continued.... I’m sorry… for everything. "You're only sorry because you got caught, Reuben..." Her response came out quickly, her cold eyes locked into those sorrow filled emeralds. She could feel the anger fading as it was replaced with exhaustion. She wanted to cry, but she also wanted to be alone to do it. Staying here was no longer an option. There were no other words she could find, there was no comfort he could bring her anymore. Rayne's ears flicked back once more and her eyes softened only a little. She was hurt. Her heart felt it had been ran over, and then reversed back onto. Whatever this was, heartbreak, disappointment—whatever. She never wanted to feel it again. Rayne turned to leave him, the rain beating heavily across her back felt like pins piercing her skin. She ignored it, however, because the pain she felt in her chest was enough want her to get as far away from him as she could, and quickly. exit rayne

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He hated the rain. It brought life to the world, but it had also taken so many things from him. His self respect, his innocence, all washed away in a downpour. Today was no different except it wasn't the rain’s fault. It was his and it always had been. If he hadn't encouraged Sulliven to sneak out and play out in the rain maybe their mother would have spared more of her love for him instead of resenting him for breaking his leg. If he hadn't pursued that retreating soldier in such wet conditions perhaps they both could have returned home to their loved ones. With his own four paws he had so many ruined lives and only now was he realising how selfish and irresponsible he had been when it was too late for redemption.

Her parting words were true. Had he not forgotten to apply the dye and if weather had not exposed him he would have continued lying to her because he hadn't wanted her to know who Reuben Karsia was. He never had a plan of where things might go with them. He’d selfishly clung to her when he should have let her go because he was too weak to say goodbye.

He loved Rayne. She had brought light into his dark world and made him feel like he was worthy of love. He loved her, but he had still hurt her. This time he didn't go after her. He stood where he was, rain streaking down his face and mingling with his tears as he watched her go. “Mar sin leat, m’eudail,” he whispered.

Goodbye, my darling.

And she would always be his darling.

- Fade to exit

code: elyon | art: ashon