[ P ] light the fuse

”Going grey already, Serein?” A fellow soldier had jokingly asked him. A few of Reuben’s lighter hairs had begun to show through the dye. He shook his head and laughed along with him, all the while panicking on the inside. How long had it been since he’d applied a fresh coat of dye? Between working as a soldier and worrying about Sulliven and Rayne it had completely slipped his mind. Days blurred into one and some nights he didn't sleep at all. Exhaustion and stress had left him wide open for discovery.

At the end of his shift Reuben hurried through the woods, heading for his stash of black berries and his den. It was a lonely place, a den dug deep into the dirt where he had spent many cold nights wishing that Sulliven was there with him and other times it was Rayne that he wanted. As if summoned by his thoughts the pale sky rumbled and a heavy shower of rain soaked him to the skin. There was no way he could apply the dye now. He’d have to wait and hope that this secluded spot in the redwoods was hidden away enough that he wouldn't be found.

He couldn't help feeling a sense of dread. Nothing good ever happened on a rainy day, not for Reuben. It was why he hated them. They made him remember things that he’d rather forget.

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Rayne had all the intention of using her spare time to go and scout for much needed herbs, but what was one more day? The way the clouds rolled into the sky and casted them nearly black she felt it wouldn’t be a great time for travels anyways. Maybe it was that, and the fact that she had come across something so odd in her dreams she felt the need to address it with Reuben. She knew to have had many weird dreams the last month, one involving the very man which she sought out now, and one that was also very intense and intimate. The thought brought a heated flush to her cheeks, but before she could turn around on doubt she continued through the redwood. At least if she couldn’t get all her berries she could get some of them from the woods. As she traveled she would pick them up, stashing them in a small satchel that she hung from her shoulder. The sound of thunder rumbled overhead, single drops kissed her muzzle slowly, but she knew this was just the beginning and she would have to find shelter. Her ice blue gaze scanned the area and she swore she saw a small hole, a den maybe, enough to fit maybe one body inside. Quickly she scurried over to it, half fearful that something else occupied it, but she wouldn’t know until she popped her head in. “Hello?” It was dark, very dimly lit, and for a moment she thought she saw. “Reuben?” Met with those piercing green eyes there was no doubt it was him. She didn’t see the change of his fur, but the thought of her dream still haunted her mind. “Fancy bumping into you here, can we talk for a second?” Due to the small space it would require him to come out, and with the storm overhead brewing she figured maybe they could both find somewhere to shack up and evade the storm together as they talked. What a foolish dream that perhaps he had a twin brother. Besides, Reuben would have told her. Or so she thought.

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Trusting in fate not to screw him over in some way was apparently too tempting for it to resist. Footsteps. Someone was approaching and heading his way. It would be easy to send a stranger away. No one would question someone getting territorial over a den that they had dug themselves. ”Hello,” with that one word he felt his heart drop. Panicking and cursing Reuben hit his head on the shallow roof of his den. “Shit,” he hissed under his breath and retreated further inside, doing his best to shield his face from view with his tail. Too late. She recognised him. Of course Rayne would find him here. This was the first place they had met. How could he be so stupid?

“Rayne…” he finally spoke, unable to bring himself to ignore her even as much as he wanted to pretend that he wasn't the Reuben she was seeking. “You shouldn't come too close. I’m sick,” he lied, hardly surprised by how easily it came to him. He could only hope that she would do as he wished and leave him be or else he really would be in trouble.

For good measure he coughed a few times into his tail and offered her an apologetic look. He hoped that her caring nature would be pushed aside in favour of selfish self preservation for once, but he doubted she would let him go so easily.

code: elyon | art: ashon

‘Rayne.’ Oh good it was him, and she wasn’t just blubbering to some random stranger after all, or weirder, his so called twin brother. It was often she thought about the dream and how uncanny the similarities were between the man claiming to be Reuben’s twin. She often thought that was not information he would hide as they had spoken of family before. She shared very personal things with him, so something so simple like having a brother shouldn’t have been much of a secret—right? ‘You shouldn’t come close l’m sick.’ Her nose wrinkled as a small laugh left her lips, “when has that ever scared me? Do you forget I work with herbs and medicine all day?” She huffed, the rain was starting to come down a little harder than before. “Come on Rue it’s going to come down bad, I’m going to have to end up shoving myself in that little space with you anyways. Besides, my immune system is really good I’m not worried.” Thunder rumbled in the distance, the sky growing increasingly gray with each passing minute it seemed. Any other time she would have questioned why he was being weird, but she really had no intentions of getting caught out in such a bad storm. Turning around and going home would take far too long, and with the way the storm sound it didn’t seem like she would visibly be able to get back anyways. There she stood waiting patient, the wind kicking up and ruffling the fur of her neck as her gaze narrowed in on the den. “Okay, I’m coming in,” and he would only have a few seconds to stop her if that really wasn’t what he wanted.

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The roaring of the brewing storm outside was almost as loud as his pulse in his ears. Reuben was literal minutes away from disaster and his back was against the wall. There was nowhere to hide or run from those kind blue eyes. Tension hardened lean muscles as his claws dug into the dirt. Instincts screamed at him to attack or flee, but he could do neither because Rayne didn't intend to hurt him. It was his lies that were going to hurt them both. With an anxious grumble he backed away further until his butt bumped against the back wall of the den, green eyes wide with terror. “No, no it's okay. I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep,” he heavily emphasised the word sleep and hoped she would leave him be.

Her insistence that he let her take shelter with him out of the storm made him squirm with guilt and he hated how cold he was being. Leaving her out in the rain was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn't let her see him. “It's too small in here. You should go home,” he tried to reason with her, once again hating himself for refusing her.

Then finally she announced that she was coming in. “No!” he snapped, holding out a paw to stop her from entering. It was only then that he realised he’d revealed a bright silver foreleg to her.

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He was being so stubborn, and she could find herself growing irritated. "Reuben, it's just a cold it's not that bad, I will let you sleep I just won't make it back home in the rain. It's going to come down really badly, have you taken a good look outside?" A long sigh escaped her, and he pleaded with her to go home, but she wasn't having it. With a huff she proceeded forward, only to be met with a paw stopping her. Her ice stare gazed upon the leg which didn't belong to Reuben, however, she blinked in confusion. It was his voice, it was his scent, but that color.... how specific was that color. And then she would remember her dream, the twin, his colors, his eyes. Piece by piece she put it together in her head until a vision came clear that she didn't want to see or believe. "Reuben, why is your leg silver?" She gulped back the lump in her throat. "Can you please come out," her world felt small all of a sudden, that desire to shrink herself into a ball and roll away resurfaced from that time she stormed out of the inn. She could not peel her gaze from that leg, from that color, and in this instance, she felt no need to listen to any more excuses. Rayne made way into the den even though it was only her head and neck that fit, and there she was met with those familiar eyes, but there was someone else attached to them. Her heart hammered in her chest, the urge to run as she looked this stranger in the eyes weighed heavy on her, but her paws were glued to the ground. She looked over his face, studying every silver and blue hair and where the dye melted from his fur. She felt ill, her expression blank and if a wolf could take another color, she would have been the color of the snow.

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Reuben realised it was too late when his paw crossed the threshold of his den. Everything that he had been trying to keep hidden from her had been exposed in a moment of stupidity and all he could think about was how much she would hate him for it. He shrank back then, lowering his paw and retreating once again into his hole with a defeated sigh. ”Why is your leg silver?” It was a reasonable question in light of such a confusing discovery and similar to ones that he’d hoped she’d never ask. “Because it always has been,” a miserable mumble came from the muddy hollow.

”Can you come out please?” once again she made that request and all that answered her was a heavy sigh. Maybe it was cowardly of him, but he didn't want her to see his real face or fur because then she would see Reuben Karsia and he hated him. He had little choice in the matter however because she grew tired of trying to coax him out and entered away. Those blue eyes saw him then for who he truly was and he felt shame creeping up on him like a shadow. “Don't look!” he pleaded, green eyes begging her not to, but it was too late. She had already seen the ugly truth and there was nowhere for him to hide.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, turning his head away from her. He didn't know what to say or do that would make any of what he had done to her better because there was nothing that could. He knew he owed her the truth, but that was much worse than what she had already seen.

code: elyon | art: ashon

"What?" She was so confused by all of it, his response made no sense obviously considering she had only ever known him to be a deep black. It would all come to frutation, however, as she stared back at him, and he met her with a sorrowful gaze. "I am already!" She grit her teeth together, the sound of his sorry falling deaf upon her ears. Her stomach felt heavy, and she couldn't rid of the lump in her throat. Rayne didn't leave the den though, not even as the rain came pouring down upon her and the thunder smacked the skies overhead. "Come out of the den, now..." She was no longer asking, she wanted him to face her as the questions began to arise. Assuming that he would follow suit as he no longer had a choice, she began to try and wrap her head around everything that was happening. There was a sense of anger deep in the pit of her gut, overwhelmed with confusion. Who was this? Who had she come to know, and why did he have to lie? There were so many questions, and she wanted answers. "Who are you?" Her brows knit together as she stared him dead in the face. "Why Reuben, if that is your name, why would you lie to me?" The longer they stood in the rain, and it washed away the dye, the more of him she saw. Her stomach curled into a tight knot, the heat swelling in her cheeks. It was him, the man from her dream. "This can't be real, what the fuck is actually happening?!" Rayne's vocabulary was anything but a tongue that dripped venom. "I saw you, in my dream, but it wasn't you....he said he was your brother. He looked just like you, your literal twin!" She grew quiet, trying to wrap her head around everything that was going on and to be frank, she felt sick and dizzy. "I came to you to tell you about that dream because I was confused, but it ended up being real...how?" And then another thought, in that same place, in that same location. "Reuben, we...." She peeled her gaze from him, "oh my, we....." she was going to faint. "Did we?? At the lagoon, together?" Inhaling a sharp breath, she held back a small gag, the threat that she was going to throw up right where she stood. "I can't believe this is happening...." Her body, heart, and mind—all of, felt numb.

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Her anger and hurt felt like teeth against his flesh. The one person that he had tried to keep from his orbit of destruction had been swallowed in it. Only now did he regret ever accepting her offer to be pretend lovers. That had been his first mistake. The second had been chasing after her the day she’d fled from him. A better man would have let her go, but a better man wouldn't have been in his situation in the first place. Rage and self-loathing stirred within him and his heart throbbed with guilt. Finally he crawled out of the den and stood before her, dye washing out of his fur and revealing his true colours. He didn't say anything. He just waited silently for her to process everything.

”Who are you?” She questioned, doubting everything that he had told her as she ought to. The one truth that he had told her was his first name. “It's Reuben Karsia,” he gave his name, one that he had wanted to forget. ”Why would you lie to me?” and that was the heaviest truth that he felt might ruin everything. Not that there was any going back now that all of his skeletons had come tumbling out of the closet. “I didn't want to drag you into all this,” Reuben began to make excuses and then shook his head. “This disguise was part of my plan to save my brother from the Imperials. I didn't plan on getting close to anyone,” he admitted, knowing how bad it sounded already. “But I did and I still lied…because I’m wanted for murder, Rayne. I killed someone,” Reuben continued, revealing part of the horrid truth. He lifted his head, feeling the rain streaming down his cheeks and for once being glad for it because it hid his tears.

“And Sulliven… he's taken the fall for me. That's who I am. Someone who doesn't deserve love. Not yours. Not his,” Reuben's voice shook as he confessed his true feelings about himself. A feeling so strong and intense that only grew deeper and more twisted when that sweet dream was revealed to be reality. He hadn't just stolen love from her, but taken something else that was just as precious. “I thought- I thought it was a dream. I swear I never would have taken things further if I had known,” he was speaking very quickly, words almost crashing together.

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He repeated his name to her, the first name he had ever told her and he stuck by it. Audits flattened against her crown, a bubble of annoyance creeping faster than it had previously. "So for one honest thing you told five lies?" Her eyes pierced him, cold to the core, looking to see straight through him and to the other side. There were so many times she wanted to interject on everything he said, but she wouldn't, allowing herself enough grace and patience to listen even though it was a new tale spun from a different web. His brother, the imperials, she was still trying to find the main reason why he found it so appropriate to lie. It wasn't until he mentioned murder that her ears pricked back forward, and brows knit tight together. "You, what...." Her body felt cold. Those luminous green eyes that drew her in and made her lost each time she looked into them, the same eyes that once brought her warm and comfort, belonged to a murderer? "I don't believe it...You're a lot of things Reuben Karsia, but a murderer? I can't even bring myself to believe that." She growled back at him. He was a liar, yes she wouldn't deny it, but a murderer? It didn't even sound remotely right. Even in the time they spent together when she gave herself to him he had been so gentle, so tender, while not allowing himself to push her boundaries without her permission. She couldn't believe someone like that, even if a liar for whatever reason, was a murderer. "Are you trying to push me away?" It was the only logical thing she could come up with, a cop out to get her to leave him alone. Maybe he had his fun, and that was all he wanted. Of course, when it came to logic maybe she wasn't trying to meet him eye to eye, but with all that happened in a short amount of time she didn't really know what to feel about it. I thought- I thought it was a dream. I swear I never would have taken things further if I had known. His words were fusing together, she could feel the tension and the anxiety in him, she wanted to believe he felt bad, but she didn't let herself see it. She snorted instead, replacing the subtle desire to want to believe him aside and replacing it with anger so she would not get hurt again. "Oh, yeah, "Reuben" I don't believe that for a second, but you know what? I'll just take all that you say and fling myself into a field of daisies where everything is so fucking peachy!" She had given him her all, emotion and body, and she could not take any of that back. She looked like a fool, played by a fool. Two halves of a whole heart that didn't belong to one another. He had no business playing on her genuine feelings, and she should have seen the waving cautions signs when she had the chance. The longer she looked at him the more apparent the tears welling in her eyes became. The heat of her cheeks overtook her body, her throat felt swollen, and she could have sworn she grit her teeth so hard they would go flat. "I told you things I haven't told anyone else. How my father killed my mother, why I don't like the imperials, or the Jacobites. I laid out all my cards and you laughed in my face. You took advantage of my trust and gave me a fake book to read. I trusted you, I felt safe with you, I gave myself to you and only you. Even if it was just a dream, I would have done it without it being such, because I was falling for you!" It was then the tears streamed down her cheeks, the lump in her throat turned to fire and there was no swallowing it. The only way to make herself better was to shred every ounce of care she had felt. "I hate you!" She screamed against the thunder; lightning illuminated the air as if she had casted it at him directly.

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