[ P ] you are my sunshine

Guilt. It was a feeling that made her wounded heart throb whenever she saw those innocent golden eyes and mischievous turquoise. Xandria was so proud of them, but she worried greatly about the impact her trauma had had upon them. It wasn't enough to force smiles and pretend that everything was okay during the day when she became unravelled during her slumber in the night. They were only half a year old, heading towards three seasons once the spring came and they had already seen two funerals. Younger than Xandria when her father had died. She didn't know how to explain the unfortunate circumstances that had struck one after another when she didn't understand it herself.

Gently she tapped on the door to the room that Mios and Miread had been sharing together more often than not. It was true that she had moved to her own room at a similar age, but that had been her own stubborn independent nature, not her mother's nightmares that had triggered it. It had been the only reason she had been able to hide Belfast so successfully without her mother or father knowing. Or at least she was unaware that her mother had discovered her sneaky secret and playfully revealed this truth during her wedding day to her sweating husband. She really wished that they could find that happiness again.

art + code: clae

The sun sets so it can rise. Always rise. Mios couldn't remember where or from who he'd heard the words, but he clung to them long after Miread fell asleep. Lately an eternal night eclipsed those bright and shining eyes. He just wanted something vibrant to cling to that might resemble hope. Hope that there would come a day, just one, that was untroubled by fear or sorrow.

More than that, what Mios desperately wished for on every star blazing through the twilight sky was a day where his momma didn't have to be so sad. He was old enough now that he saw past forced smiles and trembling reassurances. Still, he only snuggled up against her side and accepted these half-truths, hoping that through his hugs he could convey how much he loved her.

Even if it wasn't enough to fill the void left by Gran-Nass or Unkhoris, Mios still loved her fiercely and with more devotion than could fit in his entire body.

So when a knock at the door heralded her entrance into the room, his head immediately perked up and the frayed black ends of his chewed tail tapped a steady beat against the fur he was snuggled into, warm beneath it and the pale winter sun rays pooling through the window. "Hi mama," he greeted her merrily, sitting up to plant a quick peck on her unscarred cheek. On the cusp of the season change, the chunkiness of his youth was filling out into a sturdy physique that would rival Xandria's once he reached proper adulthood.

manip + code: clae

And there he was, her precious sunshine, eyes glowing with all the love and warmth her wounded heart needed. After so much loss and pain it made her all the more grateful that she had her family with Belfast to give her the strength to face another day. If Xandria had been alone with her hatred she knew nothing would have stopped her from destroying the man that had murdered her mother along with herself. It was her husband and children that kept her from self-destruction and ruin. “Hi, Sunshine,” she called in a tender voice that was reserved only for her children.

Her gaze only narrowed when she saw the damage he had done to his tail. “Mios Moss Tiamat,” his name was drawn out in a reprimand. She had told him not to chew on it, but it had obviously developed into a habit likely because of the recent stresses their family had gone through. “Leave your tail alone or I’ll chew it off,” she playfully threatened, pouncing at him with snapping teeth. Somehow it was easier to find the light inside of her around her children although she knew she was only delaying the talk that they needed to have. He would have questions, perhaps even fears about what might happen to his parents. Xandria remembered how worried she had been about her mother after her father’s death and only years later those worries had come true. She at least wanted to offer her son some security that she would be around for years to come.

art + code: clae