[ P ] the fire within us

The fire inside the Tiamat Manse had died with his mother, it seemed. Sethos walked the hallways of his home, noticing how Nassar's scent was hardly tangible now. Weeks had passed since the funeral. His nose was still dry and charred from the scent of burning flesh. The last few months of his life seemed to be a blur, and he realized he hadn't even seen much of what was left of his family lately. His cousin, Badari, was missing in action ever since the war, and this weighed, as with many other things, on his mind. Cairo was now wrapped up in whatever duties came with being the heir to the Tiamat throne, and Sethos was left in limbo with what to do with himself. Their entire world had been fractured in more ways than one, as Rionnach broke into two countries. It was all so much... he wasn't sure how to process it all, so he simply just didn't. Guilt bubbled beneath the surface as he slowly walked towards the entrance of his sisters room. He knew she had Belfast and her kids... as Khepri had Sif and their children, as Ahkoris had Sybil. Cairo wasn't exactly the comforting type and their relationship was strained at best anyway. Lyra and Bast were old enough now that they had duties to attend to as well, which meant they were hardly home. But he needed some familiar company, and so he stood at Xandria's door, staring at it for a few moments in silence as he struggled with what to do. Finally, his knuckles rapped against her door - quiet, and gentle as always. For just in case she was sleeping, he didn't want to wake her. “You seemed to replace your brain with your heart ."

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@Xandria

The misery that had paralysed the second daughter of Nassar Tiamat had been swallowed by the intensity of her hatred for the red eyed man who had killed her. On the surface she appeared calm and collected, she had reassumed the role of doting mother and wife. Behind her loving facade was a killing intent that she suppressed for the sake of her husband and children. It didn't stop her from planning. It wouldn't be hard to find a man with ruby eyes and fox red fur. When the time was right she was going out on another hunt.

A light tapping on her door announced the presence of her brother. Sethos. Xandria knew who it was without checking. She nosed her door open and a soft smile touched her scarred features. “Hey, Dandelion,” she greeted him with the nickname that she had teased him with as children for the golden fur that covered his body. “Come in. The kids are out with, Bel so we won't be disturbed,” she ushered him inside. She didn't need to ask how he was faring because it likely wouldn't be any better than she was. Her gentle hearted brother couldn't hold on to vengeance like she did.

art + code: clae

Xandria greeted him promptly, opening her door for him before he had even stopped knocking. The two siblings seemed to share the same wavelength whenever in the presence of one another, and this was proven on the battlefield as well. She used his childhood nickname and he smiled softly, taking a step forward without a word and pulling her into a warm hug. He was silent for some time, just stood there holding his sister tightly. While she couldn't see it, he was desperately trying to keep his tears at bay - and after a few moments of struggle, he was successful. Finally, Sethos cleared his throat, withdrawing from her with a gentle huff. Citrine eyes studied the woman, tracing over the scar on her face. She seemed... off. He'd experienced this with Xandria before. She ushered him inside, as if she had some kind of secret to spill with him. Before she was able to utter another word, he pointedly looked at her, a fire within his bright eyes that wasn't often seen. "Whatever you decide to do, take me with you," he spoke with his typical gentle tone, but there was a force behind it. They had hardly talked and yet it was as if an entire conversation had been exchanged between them in silence. Sethos was angry, angry at so many things that he'd been having a hard time sorting his emotions and his thoughts. But he knew what Xandria would be plotting, knew she would be scheming something up eventually. And this time, he wanted to be there. He had to make sure he was there this time. He wasn't when their mother died. And she was dead. Dead dead dead. "I'm coming with you." he stated again, his golden brows furrowing as vengeance and sorrow and guilt bled into his heart. Their mothers' burning corpse and the smell filled his mind. It was an odd sensation, so unlike himself. Xandria wore the Tiamat fire between the two littermates, while he was usually much more... timid. But nothing mattered now - he had failed to protect both of his parents, and he was struggling to ride the waves that were created from their deaths. Sethos watched her face, waiting for her to accept him. “You seemed to replace your brain with your heart ."

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Xandria felt fond nostalgia when she thought of their childhood. Sethos, all fluffy like a chick with his golden fur and gentle orange eyes. They stormed castles, rescued princes and princesses within the walls of the Tiamat manse. I want to be a hero, Seth. Just like in the stories, she’d declared, paw on her chest. It had been her dream to lead the Royalists to victory and bring peace to Rionnach. Her motivation behind her dream had been recognition from Kohl. A warm, proud smile and praise that she had always longed to hear. Her heart had hungered for it like an empty stomach. It was a dream that would remain, just that. When she was finding her place in the army as a young lieutenant the crow had delivered the news about her father's death with an eerie croak. Like a bloodhound possessed by the grim reaper she had tracked the man responsible for months until she cornered him. The same desire throbbed within her like an open wound even as the arms of her brother encircled her she couldn't think of the living. Not when their mother's killer walked free.

Sethos’ request caught her off guard. At first she thought of playing it off and asking him what he meant, but she couldn't do that to him. She owed him better than that. “I won't forgive you if you try to stop me,” she warned him, golden eyes cold and fierce as she looked at him, all warmth retreating now that vengeance was on the table. “So if that's your reason for telling me to take you, forget it,” Xandria’s voice was controlled, but the finality in her tone was clear. She wouldn't let anyone, even her brother, hold her back from avenging Nassar.

“If it's what you really want, are you sure that you won't waver? You’ve faced soldiers on a battlefield before, but you’ve never hunted down a fellow wolf like prey before have you?” she pointed out, watching him closely. She wouldn't hide any of the gory details from him. “I have. For months I tracked him and I left little signs so he knew I was following. I took my time chasing him, and it was thrilling, much more than the battlefield. His fear scent, his blood, I loved every second of it,” she confessed to the darkest thoughts that had plagued her ever since. “Could you live with yourself if you learned how twisted you really were?”


“Sometimes I wish I could forget, but this is part of me, Sethos. I’ll never be a hero like I promised, but you still could be…”

art + code: clae

She was stiff as he hugged her, and it sent a cold shiver down the length of his spine. They had been here before, when news of their fathers death had arrived in the form of a winged messenger; he remembered it vividly. The bloodthirsty rage that had filled his warrior sisters eyes, the relentlessness that she possessed until the murderer was murdered himself. He knew, better than he'd hazard nearly anyone else save for their mother, what his sister was capable of. Belfast was far from his mind at the moment, but did he even know? He had allowed Xandria to leave their pups during the war, so he must... but at the moment that didn't matter. Sethos watched her as she spoke, unable to dodge the insult she threw his way whether it was intended or not. "I won't forgive you if you try to stop me..." she responded, "“So if that's your reason for telling me to take you, forget it,” His fiery eyes hardened, gleaming like orange gems within his rigid face. While it was a slight movement, his chin raised a hair. His sister continued, speaking down to him, as if he didn't know what it was like to take a life, to live with guilt or the realization that you could be a bad person. An avalanche of sinister, angry thoughts overwhelmed his mind and as she confessed her darkest sins, and Sethos closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to steady himself. Somewhere deep inside of him, a crack formed in his resolve, in his calm, in himself. Silence rang out between them, him having long withdrawn from her warmth. His body was encased in ice, yet the fire burned deep within. "You insult me," he finally spoke, struggling to keep his voice soft, calm, typical of Sethos Tiamat. After a moment, he leveled his eyes to hers - not pleading, not pointed, but stern... as stern as he had ever been. "You talk to me as if I am still a child, and you are some wizened adult in which I am coming to ask permission in the task of finding our mothers murderer. What - because you have a family? Because you killed someone first? Because they've always favoured you, the bold and courageous soldier and not the soft little boy in her shadow?" he couldn't restrain himself, the torrent of emotions bubbled over and flowed down the trenches from the volcano that had been building within him for years. "I've killed someone, Xandria," he admitted for the first time since it happened on the battlefield. The emptiness in the womans eyes as she fell from his final blow still haunted him every single night. Every. Single. Night. "Do I meet the criteria now? Sure, fine, you've actually hunted another wolf. I'll give you that - but I have just as much of a right to do this. As much of a right as I did when dad died, too. But you took that upon yourself. Don't rob me of this one." the last sentence was a choked growl; a sign that he still experienced guilt over not being there. He wasn't going to stand around and let it happen again. "I need to feel like I've done something," he whispered, his angered expressions melting into something more sorrowful, more like himself again. His heart ached; everything ached, and his hind legs shook as a permanent reminder of what had transpired on that battlefield where their mother had taken her last breath. He wasn't there. That voice chanted it in his head, reminding, reminding, always reminding - never letting him forget. "I couldn't save them. I need to make sure you don't die, too. I love you, Xan. I can't--" take this anymore. He'd never spoken to anyone like this before, and it made him feel... emboldened, but also sad. Anger was such an ugly emotion. And then he wept; the lava that had flowed so freely now cooling to tears as they cascaded down his golden cheeks. “You seemed to replace your brain with your heart ."

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”You insult me,” Her hackles flared when he accused her and those defiant golden eyes rounded on him. It hadn't been her intention to offend him, but Xandria did not mince her words. The Sethos she had always known was gentle, kind hearted, the type that would recoil from doing something as horrible as murder so of course she suspected him of planning to stop her because it was something he would have done. “So, you’ve resented me all these years? The truth is finally coming out now, isn't it?” she raged, nostrils flaring and heavy breaths parting her lips. “You asked to accompany me, Sethos. I gave you an answer. You don't have to come with me. You can go find him yourself if that's what you want. I’m not telling you to do anything other than not try to stop me which is exactly what you would have done before,” she snapped, lifting her head to glare up at him.

“Then why didn't you? I didn't stop you from doing anything. You had every opportunity to go after me, but you didn't. I didn't rob anything from you so don't give me that. You're just like Cairo!” her anger echoed around the room and the pain from her sister’s judgemental words stung all over again. She was surprised by the revelation that he had killed, but that brief feeling was buried beneath hurt and anger. “I expected it from her, but I thought you would be different. Do you think I’m a coward too because I didn't fight him on the battlefield like you did?” she continued, recalling those brutal words that she wouldn't ever forget.

Her anger cooled a little upon seeing his tears, but she was still hurt and ruffled by what he had said. “I want the nightmares to stop. I need to see that red eyed bastard bleed for what he did or I’ll never have peace,” Xandria said, not hiding how exhausted or tormented she was by what she had witnessed that day. “I was right there….I could have saved her,” her voice was cracking as she spoke, grief rising to the surface again.

art + code: clae

He knew his words were accusing. He knew it was unfair, yet the words left his mouth anyway. So, you’ve resented me all these years? The truth is finally coming out now, isn't it?” she shot back, her words much more accustomed to the venom in which they dripped with. "No!" he barked back immediately, anger flaring as she misconstrued partially what he was trying to say. "I resent myself for not taking the initiative-- not going with you." Her anger steadily rose; he could see her breath coming heavier, the rage that flared within her eyes. This was not what he wanted, but not something he didn't expect either. He had poked the bear and now he was finding out to his fucking around. But what he was not prepared for was the accusation that cracked through the air like a thunderclap. "--You're just like Cairo!" she yelled, and she might as well have slapped him with a clawed paw. Sethos visibly flinched backward, the sudden jerk causing a flare of pain along the length of his spine. It took everything within him not to cry out at the anguish that was set afire within his own body. The only tell was the sudden increase in the shaking of his legs, of the quivering in more of his muscles now. He focused on steady breaths, on calming himself as these violent emotions only seemed to worsen his newly acquired disability. Sethos backpedaled now, shaking his head as he repeated himself. "No," he mumbled as he answered two things at once, "I don't think you're a coward, I never have. A coward would never accomplish what you have, Ria. That title is for someone like me," he took a shaky step forward, hoping his words came across as earnest and truthful, because they were, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry-- I'm just so... I don't even know anymore. I have no excuses, I shouldn't be taking whatever issues I have out on you - I know that's not fair. It's just all so... much, and I'm-- I feel so alone." his voice broke again, his cheeks still wet with tears and he couldn't bring himself to look at her, not yet. "But comparing me to Cairo, that's not fair either. I refuse to believe that you meant that. We can have disagreements, even if we go for each others jugular. But I'll always love you, Xan. You're my sister, nothing will change that." he looked at her now, his orange jewels shimmering with wetness. He knew it was a weird thing to say considering Cairo was also their sister, but she was... different. "I need to see that red eyed bastard bleed for what he did or I’ll never have peace,” she spoke then, and his ears pressed against his chocolate helm. "I'm not going to stop you," he responded then, answering her question from before their outbursts. "And if you don't want the weight of ending another life, I will shoulder that for you." he watched her now, studying her expressions and listening intently should she speak. He wanted her to know that he had her back, through thick and thin. “You seemed to replace your brain with your heart ."

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The tension that buzzed between them was heavy and regretful. As much the anger boiled within her, so did the wish that she hadn't snapped back at the brother who had always been one of her biggest supporters. Doubting him was a big mistake. They were both two wounded wolves with no outlet for their grief so they turned on each other. “Killing him didn't make the pain go away. I just felt empty afterwards and guilty because of how much I worried Mom. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. I don't think she could have handled two of us running off,” she pointed out, still frowning and breathing harder than normal, but just because she was angry didn't mean that she stopped caring.

Then she saw him crumple from her outburst and quickly she was by his side to steady him with her flank. His next words frustrated her almost as much as if he actually did resent her. “Don’t be stupid,” she grumbled at him, lifting a paw to lightly swat him on the forehead “Your prudence is what I admire about you. I don't have any. I’m always charging off into the flames. I need someone to hold me back, not jump in with me,” Xandria told him firmly and then shook her head at him.

Seeing him breaking down made her heart split open and she snuggled against his side, lightly grooming the fur on his cheek with her tongue. “You’ll always have me even if you do annoy me sometimes,” she tried to reassure him that even if they fought their bonds didn't break. She sighed again when he told her it wasn't fair of her to compare him to Cairo. Reluctantly she nodded. “I know you're not like that … It's just. She accused me of stealing vengeance from the family too,” she explained and although it had happened years ago and the sisters were cordial Xandria’s trust had been broken that day.

“We’ll take him down together. The Tiamats hunt as a pack,” Xandria vowed to him and she meant it. She had been there the day their mother was killed and she had failed to protect her. Sethos had not been there and blamed himself for that. They were each owed their pound of Jacobite flesh from the russet and white wolf that had murdered their mother.

art + code: clae

As his resolve physically crumbled before her, his sister came to his side. He breathed as steadily as he could; laboured breaths coming as puffs of air before he was finally able to feel passed the rolling waves of pain. It shook him to his core, how he could be so debilitated by this injury. It was a chilling reminder that his spine hadn't fully healed yet, and would probably take months to restructure itself enough before he could resemble a whole wolf again. He knew, in the back of his mind, that his station in the Army was coming to a slow close... but he wasn't willing to give it all up just yet. They would have to kick him out, he wasn't going to willingly remove himself. He had worked far too hard to get to where he was. Slowly, the beloved sister he knew flickered across her face; as much as to swat him across the brow at his words. A gentle smile, saved only for his closest of family lately, graced his features then, and one paw lifted to rub at his embarrassingly wet cheeks. Sethos focused on Xandria's words. Her point of admiration, her observation on who was the wildfire and slow burn in their relationship. While he agreed with her, he wondered how their mothers death would affect him. Already, there were pieces of him that had shifted; internal thoughts had changed or been created anew. He was worried... but none of this would be voiced, not now. Not when his sister just admitted what Cairo had accused her of, what had brought the secondary accusation to be thrown at him. Orange eyes widened as he looked at her, before narrowing. Cairo had always been outrageously blunt and ridiculously dense. To say such things about Xandria caused a fire to flicker deep within the mans blazing eyes. "I'm sorry," he immediately apologized, chocolate ears pressing against his helm. He listened as she spoke of hunting together, and he nodded solemnly. "I'll be right at your side. We will do this together this time, and share the burden as well." he vowed to her, leaning into her strength and bumping his forehead against hers - for old times sake. A part of him greatly missed being young and clueless with her, playing childish games with both of them yearning to be the heroes they tell in the stories. What had become of them now?

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The anger heating her body had cooled into weary exhaustion. They were both hurting terribly after losing their mother and with no direction on where to go next they were floundering. Xandria had seen her mother wither after Ankh’s death and then bloom once again as Matriarch. It was different for Xandria because she had been there and seen Nassar’s violent end with her own two eyes. There was no peace in it like Ankh's, who died comfortably in bed. If it had been old age that had taken her mother from her she would have wept and cursed time, but eventually she would have accepted it. How could she accept this?

Her brother's apologies were met with reassuring nods because while she did hold grudges, her brother was one who was given the rare forgiveness that she did grant those she felt deserving of it. “It's okay,” she told him, thinking of how Nassar would be banging their heads together if she saw them fighting like this. “There's someone who might be able to help us find mom’s murderer,” Xandria began, recalling the Jacobite who had the beginning of a link in the chain that had caused the death of their mother. “A mostly dark blue wolf with white undersides and one green eye,” she recalled his face and her anger stirred when she thought of how Cairo had stepped in to protect him. “You cannot tell Cairo we’re looking for him. She’s oddly protective of that Jacobite,” a growl stirred in her throat when she remembered what had happened.

art + code: clae