[ P ] enchanted by the fantasy

She waited. The time passing was taking forever, so much so that the hesitance of his answer made her want to slump into a ball and roll away. She inhaled a sharp breath as she tried to break the awkward silence, but even still he said nothing. Not one thing. Her cheeks glazed over with embarrassment; how could she be so stupid? She should have known better, and in the face of rejection she could feel herself growing sick. Rayne wanted out. Her lips parted to speak, but her name pierced against the silence, and it was not by Reuben. Her brows furrowed as her muzzle shot over her shoulder, eyes met with Riften who seemed as though he had seen a ghost. How could you? It took a second for her to process what was going on, and now her heart was hammering in her chest harder than before. She wanted to speak to Riften, let him down easy, but here he was witnessing something that was fake, that was so stupid on her end. She let her guard down not once, but twice. "Riften! Wait!" Her body went to move for him, to break the awkward that was Reuben, but her paws were still frozen in place. He ran out of sight and even still she could not find herself to chase him. She blinked against the cold air, though it was so bitter outside her face and body remained heated with a valley of emotions. And then Reuben would touch her paw, bringing her back to reality. The reality being that she did not get the answer to their question, and well.... what did their fake romance matter now? Do you want to go after him? I don't mind. She could feel the anxiety swell, the room (although it was no room at all) suddenly felt tiny and claustrophobic. Her mind was running a thousand miles and when she looked at Reuben she no longer felt that comfort, she felt slighted, embarrassed, a fool. Riften saw all he needed to see, and had he been there only ten minutes prior Rayne would have eaten her words more than likely but now? Now Reuben knew how she felt, and a part of her was not feeling the mutuality of emotions. "Forget it," she finally managed to say, her heart beat in her throat and she felt like she wanted to vomit. "It's done, forget it, it doesn't even matter anymore." The room was closing in around her, becoming smaller by each second. Rayne turned from him and took off in the opposite direction, not daring to look back.

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”Riften! Wait!” Green eyes watched her go after his retreating form and he let out a small sigh. When Rayne did return it was obvious that something had changed. The warm blue reflected coldness within and he wondered if he shouldn't have suggested she go after him. He lifted a paw, rubbing the top of his head in confusion as the awkward silence continued. ”Forget it,” she finally said and he blinked at her in confusion. "It's done, forget it, it doesn't even matter anymore." Words directed at him. What was happening? In the time it took for Reuben to process his confusion Rayne was already fleeing. “Sorry, mate. Gotta run,” he called at the angry server who he’d crashed into on his way out, swerving through the crowd to find a hint of earthen. Tea dripped down his face and chest. At least the dye on his coat was thick enough that a bit of tea wouldn't cause it to wash out. Well wasn't this a swell date?

“Rayne? Rayne! Damn, hold on for a second,” he called after her, lean limbs catching up after a few minutes. “I don't know what to say. I’m not good at this, Rayne. I only know how to have fun and make a mess of things,” he admitted, features betraying his misery. “I like you and I don't want to complicate your life by adding my burdens to it. I just want to forget about it when I’m with you,” Reuben told her, and it was the most honest that he had been with her. Looking quite ridiculous with his sodden features, dripping with tea.

If she still decided to be done with him despite his selfish protests then he decided that he would let her go. He should have done that anyway, but he wasn't selfless enough to give up on her even if she deserved better. He was only making it harder for when they eventually would have to part ways.

She could feel the threat of tears against her heated cheeks, the constant thought of 'idiot, idiot, idiot, what an idiot!' screamed at her through gritted teeth. She only felt the earth beneath her paws as she ran, blinded to what was around her as if she only had blinders on to see forward. There was a deafening silence, only the thrumming of heart rang heavy in her ears. Eventually as the minutes passed she began to feel herself grow tired, slowing her gait as Reuben caught up. When he looked at her she found herself locked into those green eyes, her heart now thumping in her throat. She felt like she was going to be sick. I like you and I don't want to complicate your life by adding my burdens to it. I just want to forget about it when I’m with you. He admitted as she did her best to swallow back the lump. She couldn't find the words, not right away considering all that had happened before, and leading up to this moment. To hear he liked her made her heart swell with glee, but also drop into the pit of her stomach. Why did he hesitate then? Rayne blinked hard to fight back the tears, when she opened them she could not help but to get lost in that stupid, emerald green gaze again. Why. Why did she feel like this, it was all just suppose to be pretend! Her lips parted to speak, but she could not find the words as her body sulked forward so she could lean into him. Her muzzle buried into the thick of his coat as she inhaled the scent of black berries, his warmth cozy and comforting enough that she didn't want to pull away. The way she felt so drawn to him while unable to peel from his affections plucked at her heart, how even now when upset, him being so close made her never want to leave again. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she spoke sadly into his chest, her voice a muffled vibration.

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When Reuben saw those pretty blues shining with tears he saw the first sign of storm clouds setting over her bright summer sky eyes. Regret pinched his brows together in a frown and he lowered his head. He recognised that he had no right to pull her back into his chaotic mess of a life, but he was unable to stop himself from wanting her. He knew didn't deserve the affection or kindness that she radiated so naturally when he couldn't give her the same in return. He knew it and denied it. Lying had become such a natural part of him that he didn't even question whether or not he was deceiving himself.

His gentle viridian softened with relief when she drew close and he welcomed her with a crooked yet reassuring half smile. As she settled into the crook of his neck he placed gentle kisses on the crown of her head, trying to soothe the upset that he felt responsible for.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." she mumbled into his fur and he sighed in commiseration. The day had gone wildly out of control and neither of them knew what to do. “I’m sorry for ruining our date, m'eudail,” he apologised before tenderly nuzzling her cheek. “What do you want to do?” he whispered softly, green eyes vibrant and gentle despite the erratic thumping of his heart. There was still a chance that she could reject him and she was well within her rights to do so. He offered her a risky romance with little hope of a future. It was a fool’s gamble.

Lost in his touch she almost did not catch his apology, the lined kisses atop her crown made the butterflies flutter from her heart, to her stomach. Even with the way she felt, confused, upset, slightly angry...she didn't want to lose this moment. Though fake, as fake as it was suppose to be, it felt too real to deny even if she had to remind herself that maybe his feelings were not as strong. "You didn't ruin it," she spoke softly into his fur. She wanted to blame it on Riften, but the better part of her knew what the boy was feeling, for she felt it soon after. She could not blame him for his feelings, just as she couldn't blame herself for her own. The heart was such a strong, yet easily broken thing, so who was she to be angry at Riften for feeling what he did. "I don't know I just," she inhaled a deep breath, "I just want it to somehow work, but that's selfish, isn't it?" She finally pulled her muzzle away from the depths of his chest and settled back into his emerald gaze she had become so familiar with. "Can we go back and not pretend? Does that even make sense?" What was the right thing to do even. All she wanted to do was kiss him again, how could she deem something fake when she felt such an attraction? He was good, and even if it was suppose to feel it was pretend there were parts of it that didn't, just like his ability and choice of ways to comfort her. A kiss on the head, something so simple yet so deep. He could have just hugged her and held her close, but he chose to show comforting affection. Rayne could not fathom how none of it wasn't real. "Could you just walk me home?" She finally asked after a long pause. She wasn't sure what was going to happen moving forward, but maybe that was the problem. She wanted what she shouldn't, according to him, and the last thing she wanted to be was an added burden.

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You didn't ruin it, Such words should have been a comfort and he accepted them with the same insincere appreciative smile as if his guilt was washed away by them. Reuben blamed himself for Rayne's hurt. It was an instinctive reaction born out of his unrealistic sense of responsibility that he held for those he cared about. It had been his actions that had led them here. Between Caim’s constant forgiveness and Aoife’s high expectations Reuben had grown up spoiled and yet never felt as if he measured up to how others saw him. He acted out to rid himself of the burden of earning her approval and to punish her for favouring him over Sullivan, but it was only ever his twin that suffered because of his selfishness. He was afraid that it would happen again with Rayne because he was already disappointing her.

“You can be selfish, m'eudail,” he assured her, lowering his head so that he gently touched his forehead against hers. He wanted her to be selfish so that he would feel less guilty about his own greed that had trapped her here like a fly lured by the sweetness of a sundew plant. “I’m not pretending anymore,” Reuben promised her, although it wasn't entirely true. His feelings were sincere, but the man she thought he was was not.

“Alright,” he agreed, leaning close to kiss her on the cheek and hesitating. It was something they did whilst they were pretending and he wasn't sure where they stood. Instead he brushed his cheek against hers and let his tail curl over her back as he walked with her back to her home.

Exit Reuben