Frost on the Windowsill

Sunken eyes and drooping shoulders carried a small boy along the terrain, barely paying any attention to where he was going as only the gold hues around him would steer him in the proper direction and not drift off to somewhere else. He was but a ghost of himself. The bright light that once shimmered in his eyes had died with his aunt and it was having troubles returning to any visible degree. It had taken him some time to truly understand she was gone and what it meant. Once it had fully become reality for him, it sapped every bit of energy in his body while also making him see life in a whole different way. It wasn’t a blessing; it was a curse. It was the ash beneath his feet where everyone would end up one day. He should cherish those around him, and it was the only thing that kept a smile from fully vanishing from his lips. He tried to seem happy to not worry them, he was doing a poor job. Just as a sigh escaped him, he was startled by the feeling of something wet and cold upon his nose, making him jolt more upright as if he had just been told to straighten up. White flecks were falling from the sky, trailing down like delicate petals and his mind went to only one thing first. “Ash?” he breaths, looking around anxiously for a body possibly being burned up again. There was no fire, no smoke. Nothing to indicate a funeral like the one not long ago. So, what was this stuff? Why was it cold instead of hot? He flinched a little as a few more landed on his face and melted into water, dampening his fur and making a shiver vibrate his form. Stumbling a few steps, he’d knock into his golden cloaked sister without meaning to, but he wouldn’t pull away either as he liked the warmth that she provided to fight off the icy white specks. His nose twitched as he took in a few whiffs, still expecting smoke to fill his nostrils but it never did. Something more familiar presented itself instead as his attention shifted to his mother. “Why does this stuff smell like you, Mama? What is it?” he asked, inquiring though his eyes would grow wide as he realized the substance blanketed everything in the distance, zapping the world of its color. Spires rose to the sky, touching the heavens. What was this place? He hadn't been listening when he was told where they were going the other day, now realizing they were in a completely new realm full of new things and smells. His tail wagged but he wasn't entirely sure it was safe yet and so he remained close to Sheik until he knew it was all okay.

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The light that had left his sons eyes had not gone unnoticed by Khepri, and while he was fighting his own demons, he sought to restore some of it today... if he could. Whatever the boy had lost that day he'd been attacked, Khepri knew it was long gone. Just like the pieces of himself that were lost when Nassar died, when Leoric died, when Illaria died. He could only help him mend in other ways just as he could only hope to mend himself in other ways. The drugs, the drink, they were not good ways of coping but he had not found anything better other than the presence of his beloved wife. Yet he shied from her, avoided her and the children, in favor of his vices. He was weak... stupid... he sighed softly as they walked and the snow began to fall around them. He needed to get himself together, that much he knew, but he just didn't know how. How had he done it before? He couldn't recall; it had just happened. "Ash?" he heard the word echo on the wind as it whipped by him and for a moment, he didn't know how to respond. His thoughts had overwhelmed him momentarily but he slowly unfroze and a smile twirled upon his lips as the snow danced from the sky, coming only to rest upon the ground. The boy's question caused his head to turn toward Sif, who he walked beside, and made his smile only brighten. "Snow," he said, correcting Haskell gently, as his gaze wandered from Sif to his son. This was their first winter, he had to remember, and so snow was something new to them. But he fell silent and contemplative after that, allowing Sif to answer the question directed at her. They were nearly to the lake but a break in their journey would not hurt. This, perhaps, was a journey he needed to take himself -- with his family -- so that he could clear his head. Whether or not it would remain clear, he did not know but he hoped. Far away from the city and so near his old home, their old home, the one Sheik and Haskell had been born in, he felt better than he had in some time. Khepri looked to his daughter, who was as sullen as the rest of them in the wake of all the death after the war, but he offered her a small nudge on her shoulder and she looked up to peer at her brother and then the snow falling around him. He thought he might've saw a smile on her lips but it was gone before it could be truly beheld. Despite the cold and misery, he felt so warm among them. These had been the lives he'd been fighting for and they still lived. "..."

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SIF ASGAUT

That long promised time away from the Manse was finally being fulfilled to both her daughter and her husband before she would migrate back to the routines of her job. The breath in of Lowland air already had her fur soothing and a brightness forming within her gaze, happy to be almost to where she called home. Her birthplace, it had been so long since she had been here last. It felt like a lifetime as she recalled she was pregnant the last time she touched anywhere her family used to keep pride in. Glancing at her children, she couldn’t really believe how big they were now compared to when they were only just growing inside of her womb, protected by a flesh that at times hadn’t wanted to protect them at all. She was glad Khepri had talked her out of offing them with herself that day as adoration filled her gaze as she looked back ahead.

For always wanting to be out and about exploring new things, she was surprised to see how tame both were and oddly quiet. Where they weren’t the loudest children in the world, she would have thought they would be scoping everything out and asking her a million questions the moment they left the Mainlands. Instead, they seemed distracted, and she could only guess why. Death likely had them grieving still, emotionally isolating but she would have thought a change of scenery would be enough to liven that up. It seemed she still wasn’t good at this mothering thing no matter which of her children were at her side and that made a knife sink into her stomach.

A sigh dragged past her lips, admitting defeat silently as the sway of her tail would fade and go limp. So much for a happy day out in the new world. Even Khepri seemed distant in a way, though that wasn’t as surprising. He was always depressed since the day she met him.

An ear twitched at the two male voices that carried singular word banter about what the flakes were that started to tumble down, and it brought at least somewhat of a smile to visage that they were both at least talking. The question posed to her would make her chuckle just a touch, tilting her head up to take in the beauty above as it drifted down peacefully as if in a waltz. “As your father said, it’s snow and it smells like me because I was born here. Snow always lines the mountain tops. This was the land I’ve told you two about countless times. What you two would have inherited had the Asgaut line not fallen,” she sounded more at ease than usual, at peace. She found it strange how scared Haskell seemed to be over the substance, but she supposed she couldn’t blame him. She knew it since she was born while this was his first experience.

“A place I always wanted to call home again,” she said, glancing over at the man of false golds with a more genuine smile. Melrose wasn’t where she wanted to move back to, she wanted to call Mirror Lake or Maiden’s Braid her home once more once she retired for good. She wondered if he would find the allure in that.

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Sheik had been lost in thought as she'd meandered with the rest of her family to the Lowlands, to the place her mother had been born. It had been a promise lingering between them for a while now and while she'd initially been excited to go and explore that feeling had dwindled since. She was afraid now, to leave her own home behind, because when you did you got hurt. Even now, as they walked through the freshly fallen snow, she worried. What if the wolf that had hurt Haskell found them? What if a rouge band of Jacobites came their way? She swallowed nervously and looked from her brother to her mother and back again as they surveyed the snow, talking about it... like nothing was wrong.

It wasn't until her father nudged her that she offered a faint and fleeting smile of her own. She stopped and looked at the snowflakes, far less interested in them than her brother, and then looked to her mother again as she mentioned wishing to call this place home again some day. Sheik blinked, her blue eyes shifting to glance at her father to gauge his reaction, to hear his thoughts. The Manse was their home, it was all Sheik had ever known in her short life and she wasn't keen on leaving its safety anytime soon. But she knew that families did not always stay together as the Tiamats did. They grew up and grew apart sometimes. Her little heart pattered against her chest at the thought of her parents being so far away from wherever she decided to live, to stay.

"Why would you want to live here?" she asked. They had everything they could ever want back home. What was here but a lake and some trees? "Where would you even stay?" she asked. There were no sprawling estates, at least not here, that she could see. She blinked and tilted her head, shifting her gaze back to her mother. If her mother and father moved here she'd have to come here to visit them and that could be dangerous. She would have to... have to learn how to defend herself, or something, so she wouldn't be so scared to do it. Her tail tucked in slightly as she thought about what that would entail. She could join the Army like her mother then anyone who messed with her would think twice. Hopefully. She mulled the idea over in her mind, looking pointedly at Sif all the while, but not making any mention of the thought yet. She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do.

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His ear twitched at the soft hush of his father to clarify what this white substance was that seemed stronger than the world below. They seemed content in it, not at all afraid and it made him feel rather foolish to be cautious of it at all, now thinking all three of them were judging him. Even Sheik was moving around comfortably, not at all frozen or trying to hide, nor did she reassure him either as he pressed into her side, a mistake he was sure of. He’d draw from her, anticipating her mocking him about it but she didn’t even seem conscious he’d notice as his nub flicked a few times, observing her before his attention would be taken away by answers beyond a name. Still not quite answering what it was though, as a paw scraped at it, inspecting the cold mush that clung to his paws. Attention would lift as a thorough answer on the reason it smelled familiar was offered, making him smile a little, admittedly surprised as his sister as she spoke up. She did have a point. Where would they stay if they lived here away from the city? Walking ahead of them, he would spin around in place, taking in everything the world had in it, completely lacking in structure and decoration of castles and cottages from his perspective. There might be some hidden in the trees he supposed, like his earliest memories of the little nook they had been in before moving in with the rest of the family. They had stopped at it briefly on the way here, though it was foggy he did remember his parents saying they had been born there in Melrose. Slowly he’d walk over to his father, pawing at his leg as he looked up at him, finding it strange how quiet he was being when normally he was more social when he was around. Thing was, he wasn't around nearly as much as he used to be to ease mama’s stresses. While Sheik was asking her questions, his attention turned to his father, looking away from him for a moment as he rallied his thoughts he had been wishing to ask. “Papa, are you angry at us?” The words were quiet, not wanting to bring attention to them while trying to hold back the tears that lined his lids. At least mama had a reason to be gone all the time, she was working now but papa just vanished all the time.

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He was not too busy with Haskell to notice the sigh that parted Sif's lips, nor the slack in her swaying tail as she was subdued by the rest of the groups melancholy. His jaw tightened at the fact that he was partly to blame for that and so he moved towards her when she began to speak of the snow and how the lake had once been her home. He smiled gently at her before moving to her side and turning to face the children with her. His ears perked as she mentioned wanting to call this home again. His honied eyes softened; their warm tones inviting as his smile reached his eyes. "It is lovely here, peaceful too." he admitted. He saw that look in her eyes, the question. He couldn't answer before Sheik spoke up, worry in her tone as she asked where they would even stay. He chuckled, looking around. "I'm sure we could find somewhere suitable if we looked," he said with a shrug. There were bound to be cottages within the confines of the forest and valleys that surrounded the lake and braid. They could also build a home for themselves in the wilds if they truly wanted. But htat was neither here nor there, this was not a relocation so much as a 'vacation ' of sorts. He was about to turn and carry on before his son's question floated into the chilly night air between them all, heavy and burdened with worry. Khepri frowned, his brows knitting together in confusion as he turned back his head to look upon Haskell. "No... I--" he said, his jaw slackening in surprise. He knew he was to blame for this, for being gone so much lately, but it wasn't because he was angry with anyone... save himself. He cast a worried glance towards Sif for a second then looked back towards Haskell before speaking again. "I'm not angry at any of you, I promise. I'm just... sad. I miss Nassar and the others. I'm.." he sighed, unable to form the words that he needed to. His mind often felt to foggy to form words and today his head was thankfully clear yet still he struggled. He moved towards Haskell and drew him into a hug. "I'm sorry," was all he could say before he drew away. "Let's keep going, we have a lot to see." he urged, pulling the smile back onto his lips and heading towards the lake once more. "..."

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SIF ASGAUT

She watched her two not so little ones show a varied assortment of interest and it admittedly left her even more sad in a way that they weren’t being more energetic. Instead, it would appear her daughter found it an entirely appalling thought to even live here as the girl as what seemed like such a silly question to the women not born a noble life. Were her children really so spoiled? Even her eldest had never asked where she could stay but she supposed she also had shown her the lake far earlier than she had done with them, introducing her far more of the Asguat culture as a baby. Then she had these two that had been isolated in the Mainlands entirely, allowing perhaps even less freedom since she had been so adamant on keeping them safe from the war. To think Aurora was the more adventured one, it might have made her laugh if it wasn’t so sad.

Khepri’s approach would make a livelier smile touch her eye, taking in his approach with a warm sway of her tail, not that he was who she was hoping to awe inspire his support meant the world to her. Gently, she would lean into her husband’s side with a soft nuzzle against his shoulder as he spoke first. She was glad he approved, more than she would ever allow him to know beyond a gentle kiss upon his cheek before focusing on the children once more.

Moving toward Sheik while Haskell moved away, her ear would flick before coiling around the young girl to be at eye level with her, resting her head against the soft copper tones of the other’s. Raising a paw, she would point toward the mountains further ahead that overlooked the Lake and stretched as far as the eye could see, piercing the pale blue sky and fading into the falling snow. “Nature’s houses, sweetie. There are caverns that act like even sturdier builds, perhaps made even of the same stone. They might not be as lavished as you are used to but with some time and effort, you can make it so by letting your creativity flow,” she chuckled a touch, trying her hardest to be understanding of such a naive mind.

An ear would swivel toward the sound of her boys chattering, slowly turning her head to see them looking even more gloomy, though she didn’t quite catch what their son had asked for the mood to fall even further into the pits of despair. In that sense, she couldn’t offer reassurance to those caramel hues that sought it. What Khepri said she would hear, and her heart lurched as her gaze turned away from the two, finding such words all too familiar though angry wasn’t quite the one she knew. Hate was the one she heard far too many times, and she could only sigh, not leaping to his defense either because she sympathized with Haskell’s woes toward his father because she sometimes felt the same in recent days. It was their situation to sort out, just as soon she would have to confront him about it too in a more damaging way.

He couldn’t keep running from responsibility forever over depression. He was supposed to be who she relied on and a sorry might work on the kids but it wouldn’t work so easily on her.

She would nod when he made the decision to continue on, though felt a sharp danger digging into her in the form of eyes. “Yes?” she mused, though feared the same question Haskell asked Khepri would come for her next. She did not like explaining her job to children in any gruesome detail but at least she always came home without much hesitation. She would go back to walk, encouraging Sheik to follow while she listened to whatever was on the baby's mind.

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Sheik had not noticed her brother leaning on her before as she had been lost in thought, but the absence of him now caused her to feel hollow and cold especially when she thought of her parents moving out here and leaving them behind. Would Haskell go with them? She could only speculate unless she asked him. As her mother pointed to the mountains and spoke of caves, Sheik wanted to cringe but she only nodded her head in somewhat understanding. She would never want to live in some scary cave! She couldn't see the appeal of living out here, all alone. But she knew if her parents decided something and made up their minds that would be that. It only solidified her desire to learn to protect herself more if her parents weren't going to always be around.

She listened to Haskell question their father and she looked to Khepri, curious as to what he might say. She'd not gotten the impression he was angry with them... just sad over his sister, their aunt, and everything else he had to deal with. Being a grown up seemed really hard and scary and Sheik couldn't say she was looking forward to it. She missed the happy days when she and Hask were younger and had nothing more to worry about than when they were getting fed next. She watched in silence as her father tried to console her brother, then urged them to move on. She just nodded, a part of her eager to see what was so great about this lake.

What seemed like eons ago she would have been excited to take this trip but now she just felt it was soured by Haskell's injury. Everything had become scarier to her even though she was not the one to get hurt. It was like all those warnings her mother had told her were coming true and that maybe... if she wasn't careful, she'd be next. Her gaze continued to linger on her mother and for a moment she forgot why until Sif spoke up, a quiet question raising her from her thoughts. "Mom, I think I want to join the Army. I want to learn how to protect myself. Especially if you... if you move out here. And if Hask goes..." she glanced at her brother momentarily before looking back to her mother. "I should know how to protect myself." she repeated, more stern in her words than before. Like she was just now coming to the decision as they walked.

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The little boy’s head was shifting back and forth between his parents, trying to catch everything so he wasn’t seen as a poor son that didn’t listen. His focus was mostly on his father, admittedly, feeling like the conversation he and his mother were having didn’t really include him at all though he found the concept of living outside of a manor just as unusual as his sister. He supposed it made sense, not everyone could likely afford the luxury they were used to. It was a bit sad to think about, not having a home at all but everyone made do with what they had. He wondered if Highlanders lived like his Mama’s family did in the rocks, curious what it would be like if they did move here. He didn’t want to, honestly, he wanted to stay with family. His gaze mauling over the assortment of stones for a few seconds before his nosy question to his father would be announced. He did not fear being lectured by his papa; he was usually the one more willing to bargain with him or play along with anything he wanted. Maybe that was why he missed him more when he didn’t see him all day long because he had always been the child’s safe space away from everything else that might be scary. He was something not to be afraid of. Ashen ears would flick a couple times as he gazed up expectantly, his lips pulling into a line as he tried to smile and failed greatly at being told there was no anger. He wasn’t so sure he believed him at first but at the talk of his auntie, his ears would fall, and his tail would hug his body, failing to hold any eye contact then as he gave a little nod. As his father started to pull away, he would prance after him to gently hug into his side. “I’m sad too, really sad. I love auntie so so so so much. It’s okay papa, you have us to be sad with. Right?” he smiled sadly, trying to maybe bring a smile to his father’s face. His attention span would be cut short as he looked back to the girls, his tail wagging a touch till he heard his sister speak up. He quickly whipped around, blinking dramatically at her like she just said the craziest thing ever. The urge to speak would be put on hold, his attention going to his mother, expecting her to talk some sense into Sheik for him. He didn’t want her to get hurt!

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Khepri didn't pay as much mind to the conversation between Sif and Sheik until she mentioned that she wanted to join the Army. His heart jumped into his throat and he blink in surprise as he looked to Sif. He wasn't exactly against the idea but it was not something he'd expected, to say in the least. Delicate Sheik... a soldier? It would be laughable if she didn't sound so serious. Her reasoning was valid, but he decided to keep his lips sealed on the matter. He had never wanted to join the Army himself and had never expected it of his children but if it was something they wished to do then he would support them. Sif, however, might feel differently. They hadn't really talked about it and so he decided to simply see how she reacted first before saying anything at all. Instead, he turned his attention toward Haskell who brushed against his side, a gentle nudging in his words, and offered the boy a small smile and nod of his head in response to his question. "Of course," he said, not denying that it would probably be better to have some company for the misery that plagued him. As they approached the lake he paused and turned to look toward his family once again, he settled by the edge of the water and listened to what Sif might have to say about Sheik's proposal. He looked to Haskell then, a curious look in his honey eyes. "What about you?" he asked quietly, not sure of anyone else but his son could hear him. What did Haskell want to do? He supposed his mother would be pleased as could be to learn that all his children ended up in the Army, despite him, and he couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips thinking of her smug smile. It was an amusing thought, after all. "..."

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