[ P ] Ice in place of blood

So much had been lost on me, especially purpose. Especially family. As much as they argued and protest against that claim, I knew it to be true. I was just too cold, like metal, unfeeling. Seeking to feel, unable. Seeking to hurt, couldn’t get enough. Seeking to love, have I ever really known this? Caspian was the closest thing I felt to any kind of love. My brother had always been my shadow.
My ghost.
My conscience.
In some ways, he was my heart. But our distance, this wedge between us, gave me nothing but a cold current running through my veins - ice in place of blood.
Black in place of heart.
Stone in place of emotions.
Even with all my might in trying, it was almost in vain. So why keep trying?

It was then Dove - my newly acquired pet dove - began to whir his purrs. A scent. Masculine in nature, familiar in aroma, a familial kind of knowing. But I couldn’t believe it, really, I hadn’t been able to track him down in weeks. Or had it been months? Too long in any case. My chin rotated over my shoulder to steal a glance at Dove.
"Don’t get excited. Haven’t seen him in a long while."
He probably didn’t even want to see me.
Not that the bird had any clue who Caspian was, I’d only just met the small prey. The bird replied in a small tweet, but it fell on deaf ears as seaglass eyes befell my handsome brother.

He seemed different. I’m sure I was unchanged save for the companion. I watched him a long moment before finally trying to speak directly at him.
"Caspian,"
Drone-like tone mustered, but a pang in my chest fought against the frost inside. I watched another long moment more to be sure it was really him and not some cruel trick of the mind.

code & art by claerie