[ P ] i would burn down the world for you

The war was finally over, but Xandria was not so naive as to believe that the threat of unrest was quelled. How much more blood would the Tiamats have to spill? How many more of her kin would have to be sacrificed? When she looked at her daughter and saw the sparkle in her teal eyes when she spoke about the army she felt restless. Xandria didn't want those tiny paws to become stained with blood and that innocent heart jaded like hers. She had already buried her mother and father. If she had to dig a grave for her daughter too she knew that she would not survive it.

Witnessing her mother's death had taken its toll on her psyche. Nightmares rampaged through her mind and night and her anxiety showed her equally disturbing scenarios if she let her mind wander. She didn't let these fears show, of course, she hated looking weak especially in front of her children. I am fine. she told herself as she woke each morning. I am happy. she repeated with each false smile.

Xandria stepped outside, needing the fresh air more than she realised. She saw the tiny footprints in the snow before she saw Miread, feeling both pride and regret that she was growing so quickly. The day when she could no longer shield her pups from the world was coming quickly and her fears only grew. “There you are, my little wildfire,” she called to her softly, “Not getting into too much trouble, I hope?” she asked, one tan brow lifted in amusement.

code: elyon | art: ashon

A yawn parted her slender jaws. She was tired. Mios woke her up most nights, crawling into her bed when their parents kicked him out of theirs, if he even made it that far. It was easier to scoot over than to argue with him, especially in the middle of the night when she was already annoyed to be woken. Secretly, she slept better when he was beside her, especially now, after everything. But a little weariness wasn't enough to keep her sleeping in any later, to keep her confined within the walls of the manse. Death loitered in the halls now, an unwelcome guest that they just couldn't seem to shake. The older she got, the more she was allowed to roam and Miread took every advantage that offered.

The once warm and inviting halls were now cold. Servants passed with downcast gazes, as if nervous to meet their employers sorrowful stares. Miread could stand it no more, she spent as much time outside as she could. Even if it meant traipsing through the snow. Her paws were cold already and Rionnach's chilly winter attempted to sink its claws into her skin. Despite her warm coat, she shivered. The snow was the worst. She would much rather be curled up in front of the fire, warm and comfortable. It was a shaming that lounging about what so boring.

Ears twitched the moment she heard her mothers voice. Looking up, a smile lifted her lips, whether she realized it or not, her expression warming immediately. "Never." She answered sweetly, offering her mother a look of pure innocence. "I was just exploring the garden." She said it as if getting into trouble was an impossible feat here, as if she had never found any sort of trouble out here. Miread knew better than to admit to anything. Besides, it was far easier to ask for forgiveness than it was to ask permission.

manip + code: clae

A wistful sigh would flow from her lips when Xandria realised how big her daughter was already. So much spirit and fire was contained in that small body. She would make an excellent soldier even if she wouldn't be as big as her comrades. Sif had taught her that size did not matter when it came to ferocity. Only she didn't want that future for her child. She wanted her to find a path outside of the army and have the freedom of choice that Xandria had never had. Her head tilted and she smiled sadly at her precious daughter. “We should talk about everything that's happened,” her tone was reluctant and regretful, regret that Miri had experienced too much death for a child so young and she blamed herself. The nightmares surely hadn't helped.

“You must have questions,” Xandria observed, clenching her jaw to force down the waves of grief that wanted to swallow her in their darkness again. It wasn't like she could hide the truth from Miri. The world had forced reality on them for too soon and all Xandria could do as a mother was to guide her through the confusion as best that she could.

It didn't help that she was just as lost and confused. But she had Bel who was her guiding light through the blurry haze of grief and shock that followed Ahki's funeral. He had given her the strength to rise out of bed each morning, as exhausted and heart broken as she was, and still greet her children with a loving smile.

code: elyon | art: ashon

Miread did not miss the sadness that dampened her mothers smile. Triangular ears tilted back, already resistant to the talk they were about to have. We should talk... A hushed sigh would. blow passed the young girls lips. But despite her reluctance, her mother was offering her a chance to ask questions. "Why does everyone keep dying?" Her question was as blunt as she was, there was no skirting around it. She simply wanted to know and she didn't want all the extra fluff that often accompanied adults honeyed words.

Baby blues fixated on her mother, full of questions, uncertainty and grief that she didn't fully understand. First grandma Nassar died. Death was a concept that didn't quite make sense still. She was gone, forever, something everyone kept saying. But how could she be just be gone? Forever? And Uncle Ahkoris too. What gave them the right to just leave? To abandon their family and leave everyone with such loss. Miread could still hear the screams of that night, when the pale lady that was always with Uncle Ahki came home. The devastation of it had startled the young girl from her dreams and filled her with a sense of dread.

Just like grandma Nassar, Uncle Ahki was laid to rest on a pyre, the fires claiming his body. She wanted to know why their bodies would be burned, that would certainly make it impossible for them to ever return if they wished. All the unknown grated at her nerves and caused frustration to boil. Brows pinched together as she stared up at Xandria, the demand for knowledge burning in her vexed eyes.

manip + code: clae

Her resolve was shaken slightly by Miri’s blunt question and her grief stirred anew. It was one that she was expecting. As an adult Xandria had asked herself that same question. Her features shifted and her expression tightened into a grimace. She remembered the angry child she had been after her father's death and she did not want the same to happen to her daughter. “Soldiers tend to have shorter lifespans than most wolves because of how dangerous our job is. I’ll do my best to stay safe so you don't have to worry,” Xandria touched her nose to her sweet child’s, determined to make sure she didn't have to endure anymore grief. “Ahki’s death was different. It wasn't because he was a soldier. Hunting large game is risky and he got unlucky or maybe he made a mistake. I don't know,” she explained as honestly as she could.

“I wanted to talk to you about the future too. I can't let you join the army. I won't risk losing you too,” she stated her intentions firmly, knowing that she would be hated for it, but she would rather be hated than burn her child too.

art + code: clae