[ P ] Are You With Me

aurelia rose.

"Remember, stay close to me!" she said as she trailed along the streets of Iverness with her son, Andreas, by her side. He and his siblings were growing so quickly; they were almost taller than her now and it was hard to believe it. She missed the days when they were pudgy little babies fighting to snuggle against her but those days were long gone. She could not keep them small forever, as much as she might want to.

Still, she loved taking them on outings into town as much as she could and more and more it seemed like they were leading her rather than she was leading them. They should know the place well by now, almost as well as she did. She had walked these streets for so long she knew them like the back of her paw and almost never got turned around here anymore, despite her blindness. She smiled as she walked, the warm sun on her back and a chilly crisp in the air. "Isn't it a beautiful day?" she chirped as she turned her head toward Andreas as they walked the bustling streets.

"Aurelia speaks."

art and table by hale.

Andreas followed after his mother, travelling down familiar paths while trying to adjust to the new weather. The temperatures were dropping steadily now, and his scrappy, lean body lacked the body fat to retain warmth... however he found he was having little issue with the cold. If anything, he enjoyed it more than the warmth of summer. His dark form stayed close to his mothers shadow as he glanced around with his bi-coloured eyes. A quietness settled over him as he thought about what he needed to talk to his mom about.

As the sun warmed their dark furs, Andreas's ears flattened against his grey crown as his mother spoke.

"Isn't it a beautiful day?" she asked, her voice hardly calming the nerves that began to frazzle in his mind. Did he answer truthfully? Should he keep his secret to himself? The boy had stressed over the realization for weeks - objectively avoiding the topic entirely when his father was around. His sisters wouldn't understand - he hadn't witnessed them running into walls, or being engulfed by a thick blanket of depression at the understanding of what was happening to his eyes...

He gulped, with tears brimming his unique irises. He needed to be honest with his mother, if no one else. Even if he couldn't be honest with himself. Would telling her make it more real? Would it set in then?

"Uhhm--" the boy tried to answer, but the words caught in his throat. His steps slowed as he struggled with himself, his muscles shaking a little as he looked at his mom. Looked at his future. But would he ever gain the confidence she had?

"Mom... um... did you-- could you ever see? Like, when you were younger?" he asked quietly, wondering if she began life like him. Would she understand having her sight being robbed from her?

manip + code: clae

aurelia rose.

While Aurelia could not see her sons discomfort, she could sense it. It was in his tentative paw steps, his lack of conversation, his shivering form. She frowned as her question was left unanswered for a few moments, her son seemingly at a loss for words and fumbling. She was about to ask him what was the matter when he finally questioned her, asking her if she'd ever been able to see. It was a rare occasion that any of her children addressed her blindness and so the question caught her a little off guard. "Oh, well..." she murmured, a frown etching her dark lips momentarily. It didn't take her long to lighten up somewhat. "Yes, when I was very young. About... about your age, actually." she said as she reminisced. She had been blind for so long that she did not recall images anymore, only darkness, and she wished she had a better memory but the images had faded long ago. "I don't remember what anything looks like but I remember losing my sight. I can still see some shadows and lights, but that's all and I fear in time even that will fade."

Aurelia hadn't really told any of this to her children yet, as none of them had bothered to ask. She looked towards Andreas, her silvery gaze full of concern as realization dawned on her. Could he be asking for a reason or was it just curiosity? She had feared her condition would be passed down to her children but none had come forward to say anything about it. Until now.

"Why... do you ask?" she questioned. If the same thing was indeed happening to him then he would have a lot to learn about the world before his sight petered out. Adjusting to her blindness had been hard, especially with having sight beforehand. If she'd been born that way she figured it might've been easier but that was not the way it had gone. She wanted so much for her son, her daughters, and blindness would not stop them from achieving goals but it was a hindrance she would not pretend otherwise.

"Aurelia speaks."

art and table by hale.

Of course, her mother tried to look at the positive. Andreas watched a handful of emotions pass through her face as she processed his question, surely trying to think of how to respond.

Yes, when I was very young. About... about your age, actually."

The statement hit him like a brick wall. Thankful that they had ceased walking, the boy was completely shaken. But he didn't show it - his form was still, save for the slight nodding of his head. His eyes weren't on his mother now, instead looking at the ground, at his paws, at some bug. Anything but at her. She couldn't even see him, but he knew that she sensed something. Regardless, he watched his body from below somehow, as if he was having an out of body experience.

"Ahh..." was all he managed to say as she continued on to explain her memories - or lack thereof - of when she lost her vision. A weird numbness settled in to the grey son, his bi-coloured eyes moving a little now; a force from himself to act normal - act normal!

"Why... do you ask?" he could feel her eyes on him. His flesh crawled with creepy crawlies, making him shrug his shoulders a little.

Dead silence took him over, and it was a few long moments before he finally spoke.

"I think it's happening to me, mom," his voice was almost robotic. Moreso matter-of-fact, and he knew she was going to try to say something to make him feel better, "Which means I'll be completely blind one day, probably sooner than I think." Andreas's tone was matter of fact, and if he hadn't cried all his tears already, maybe they would have lined his eyes now... but that's all he'd done lately since he realized what might be happening. His mothers response just confirmed it for him.

He was too young for this - everyone else got to play and explore new places and see new things - and he gets this?! Anger swelled within his chest, as the young boy tried desperately to control his emotions. However, unfortunately, he failed as his paws shook slightly.

He pursed his lips, brows furrowing as he looked to her with anguished eyes, "I'm scared, mom."

manip + code: clae

aurelia rose.

Aurelia felt a sort of dread creeping in at what he might say next, but even when he finally spoke she did not expect the words that had come out of his mouth. "I'm scared, mom." he said, and she could hear the quiver in his frail voice. It shattered her heart into a thousand pieces right then and there, to hear him so fearful of what was to come. "Oh, my darling." she said as she swept him into her arms lovingly. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, tears lining her eyes as she thought about all that he might miss out on. No doubt he had thought of these things to... but it wasn't the end.

"It's hard, I won't lie. And it's scary... but you get used to it. And me and dad will be here for you no matter what. You are still you, my love." she said, doing her best to keep her own voice from shaking. She wanted to project an air of confidence toward him so that he would feel so distraught. Her own parents had not known what was happening to her and they hadn't been able to help in the way she might be able to help him now with her experience in such things. She had been completely and utterly alone and then literally alone when they disappeared. She would never do that to Andreas.

"You could still study and find a job and live your life-- I'll help you." she promised, her tail sweeping the ground behind her as she finally let go of him so she could peer down at a face she could not see. She blinked her tears away, wishing if only for the moment she could see what her own son looked like, but knew that it didn't matter anyway. Looks meant nothing to a blind wolf, it was about what was within and he was a sweet, smart boy. He could make his way through this, she believed that.

"Aurelia speaks."

art and table by hale.

She was empathetic, as he expected. She wrapped him in her arms, showering him in reassurances that it will be okay, that he will get used to it. But he wanted to yell and scream and stomp on the ground. This wasn't fair! Why him!? Why not Aesira, so she could get the love from everyone she so desperately craved? He looked to his future and only saw pity from others; saw his dreams of being a mercenary die in an instant. His mother confirming his sightlessness just made it all that much more real and he was angry that he was right!

"You could still study and find a job and live your life-- I'll help you." she promised, and his dark ears flattened against his head. Maybe one day, Andreas will look back upon this conversation and be thankful and appreciative of how supportive his parents were. But right now, he had a hard time keeping a firm grip on rationality.

"I wish it was Aesira, and not me," he responded bitterly, stuffing his face into the grey furs of his moms neck. He'd regret the words one day, but today was not it. He enjoyed being nothing, of the ability to be able to disappear into the shadows and practice being stealthy and silent. As a blind man, that would be impossible.

"I'll be forced to have some dumb job. I can't learn to read, or watch someone to learn a new skill, or anything cool. I'll just be a blind boy that everyone pities and feels sorry for, for the rest of my life." anger scorched the fringes of his words, burning him up from the inside out. While he knew his mother was blind as well, for some reason he thought he'd never be able to achieve what she had. And even then, was what he had much of an accomplishment? The thought was incredibly salty and bitter, and again, one day he would regret ever thinking it.

"I'm better off dead." he wept, allowing the tears to fall again from his multicoloured - and soon sightless - eyes.

manip + code: clae

aurelia rose.

She could feel the misery weeping from Andreas and eventually hear it in his bitter tone as he wished it was Aesira instead. She blinked, taken aback by the comment but not wholly surprised. When she had lost her own sight she'd wished it would have been anyone but herself, she'd wished for a lot of things back then but of course none of those wishes would come true. After a long time she accepted her fate and learned to live with it. It would take time for Andreas too. He continued, saying that he would not be able to live a good life and that he'd be better off dead and she gasped softly before pulling him in close again. She brushed away the tears falling down his face.

"That's simply not true," she whispered gently. "Did you know, I used to think the same thing and look at where I am now. I made it, I found a life I'm happy with and you can too," she said, though her words were more like a promise than a bare statement. She kissed his temple and hugged him close, hoping to assuage some of the upset he was feeling. She wished she could say more but she did not want to lie. This condition was a hard one to live with but she knew he was resourceful and strong and the most important thing was that he was not alone.

"Aurelia speaks."

art and table by hale.

"That's simply not true," but it was, even if she didn't want to believe it herself. Andreas simply stared at his mother, if only to memorize her face into a picture frame in his mind to hold on to once his sight was fully gone. She was beautiful, and he never wanted to forget that. She exuded kindness and a soft love that deep down he cherished, but right now he was just so angry and hurt and broken at the reality that was quickly settling in.

"Did you know, I used to think the same thing and look at where I am now. I made it, I found a life I'm happy with and you can too," while Andreas didn't fully understand exactly what the Howling Moon or the women who frequented it was, he couldn't help but wonder if this is what most would consider successful. There was an ambitiousness within him somewhere that yearned for more, he just had no idea how he would go about obtaining it. Or, at this point, if it was even possible. The only other wolf he knew who was blind was his mother, and had no other examples on just what a blind wolf could accomplish.

But he was drowning in his own misery to even consider the thought at the moment.

Exhaustion suddenly made him wobble, and he blinked his slowly fading eyes. "I just want to go home and sleep," he then murmured, finding that each outing that he did now took more and more energy out of him. He figured it was because his other senses were beginning to kick into overdrive, to make up for the one he relied on the most. Looking to his mom again, he tried his best to offer a genuine smile, "maybe it'll get better, like you say." though he didn't have much hope.

-- exit Andreas via walking home with momma unless stopped --

manip + code: clae

aurelia rose.

Aurelia remembered when she had begun to lose her sight all too well; it was the wort memory of her life, watching the light and life fade around her into nothing but inky shadows. She had hated herself so much, she had been so angry and frustrated and to top it all off she had lost her parents young and been forced to live alone with her condition. It had been hard and she'd been near death many times, on the brink of just giving up, but somehow she'd kept going and somehow... she'd made it out the other side. To think that time of her life had only been a few short years ago was striking to the woman but she just knew that if Andreas were feeling the very same way she felt eventually those feelings would fade when he saw that he was so much more than just his sight. He had a family that loved him and he had promise, he had... everything she had not had. But he was too angry to see it, at least for right now.

"It will, my darling. It will," she said softly as he drew away. They would begin their journey back home then and she would say nothing more on the matter, assuming he no longer wished to talk about it. If he did, he was more than welcome to.

exit aurelia

"Aurelia speaks."

art and table by hale.